18.


I don't even know. I don't believe it. I'm still a whimsical young child. Okay? Okay. But the amount of love I have received today is incredibly overwhelming. Some people who I didn't even know sang happy birthday to me. And their smiles and joy made my heart thump.

There's really something special about having a birthday on Halloween. It feels strange to not feel the cold Autumn air around me, but San Diego got as spooky as it could be. Among the stucco architecture, a dark overcast spilled across the sky. I listened to Halloween music as I wandered from place to place. Everyone was dressed in magical costumes, and there were pumpkins everywhere. Mother Nature gave me the sweet gift of hummingbirds. I watched them as they buzzed around a tree, and my heart erupted.


Though the past few months have been difficult, I've grown and learned a lot. I've felt longings I never thought I would experience. I've felt alone from time to time. And I've also felt like I am not reaching my full potential. I know what I am capable of, but for some reason, I haven't been able to achieve it. Yet. There are still many decisions to make, many things to do. Dreams to chase and turn into reality.

I think it's safe to say that I don't know what I'm doing. I have ideas and plans, though there are too many of them in too many different places. I still yearn for Europe, and I yearn for the forests. I am still learning and growing. I don't think I'll ever stop. I know I'm in search of something, but I guess I'm not entirely sure what. I am going to Europe soon though. Paris. It's a dream come true.


I am the Stargirl. I see beauty and stars everywhere. I feel love intensely. I've seen Coldplay in concert (a dream come true too). I can make some people happy. I feel emotion intensely. And I love to learn. I am a strange, curious little being. I am a fairy. I will always be. And I fear change. Which is insane to admit, since my blog is all about transition and change. But, maybe I need to.

I am now 18 years old. Happy birthday, Faiza. Go create magic in this world.

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