To 2018.

2017 has led me a lot of different directions, some for the better, and some for the worse. It started with quite a bit of uncertainty, especially in the early winter months. February 21st was a sad day for me, so I lifted myself out of those heavy spirits with one simple line: Know what you are capable of. It worked for quite a while, and it still works. Eventually, that wintry somberness shifted with the seasons, and my happiness was revived with the Spring.

Early this year, I was taking a class where we went hiking every week. Yes, it was in the frosty Winter and muddy Spring, and somehow that made it all the better. It was so wonderful to get lost in forests along with a lovely friend of mine and 30 other people. We brought our cameras and took pictures along the trails. There were days where all I had to do was draw in my drawing class, go on a hike, then learn about mythology. Those were my favorite kinds of days.

In May and June, I had my first internship which turned into a job during the summer months. I worked in a yoga studio as a receptionist, which was very nice as it kept me busy and in a calmer atmosphere. I was happy to be there.

In June, I graduated from high school. I don't know if there was a time this year when I was so genuinely happy. Not to graduate, but to be surrounded with the people I love the most, friends and family alike, and to know I was loved by all of them. It was something truly magical. This picture captures that happiness I'm ever so grateful for.

In August, I had my first reiki session. It's similar to a guided deep meditation, though there's healing in the process as well. I've never felt anything like it. I felt the stardust in my bones, yet I also felt something in my stomach which turned out to be anxiety about moving across the country. It wasn't about what was there, rather what I was leaving behind. That proved itself to be very true after I moved across the country later on that month.

My autumn months were spent in San Diego, California for college. Even though I crossed the country and took a huge risk, I felt trapped in my bones. I knew the things that made me happy, and let them slip away in those fairly dark months. There were always glimmers of momentary bliss, especially when I spent time with my sister and her boyfriend, and when I was just gazing at the Californian landscape. There were parts of San Diego that made my heart skip a beat because of its beauty, but I still felt incredibly lonely.

It's sad to admit it didn't work for me. It's upsetting to admit how cloudy I felt. It's worse to admit that I did have days where I couldn't get out of bed. It felt as if I had taken everything away from myself, and now I was stuck.

But, I'm not lost forever.

I know the things I love. I love astronomy, trees, filmmaking, painting, the seasons, New York City, museums, green hills, fog, the people I know on the East Coast, reading books, creativity, and learning about the world around me in its past, present, and future. It's okay that things didn't work. I would've been upset if I didn't go to at least experience it. And there were good things there, no doubt. There were moments when I thought, yes. I could stay here longer. Perhaps I ought to find a place more comforting for me, where I can live up to my full potential. It's just seeking it out now.

As we near the end of 2017, I pack my bags once more, though only for three weeks this time. I'm going to Marrakesh, Rabat, Madrid, Brussels, and...Paris. I've dreamed of this since I was five years old, and it's finally happening now, 13 years later. I will be spending New Years Eve in Morocco, and New Years Day in Madrid which is drastically different scenery than where I have spent it the last 18 years of my life. I will hold onto love, peace, and good energy.

2018, you are also one of uncertainty so far. But, I hope to rekindle my passions, hold onto old friendships while creating new ones, make more videos, and to just be happy. And find those things that make me happy. Are those resolutions? Perhaps so, though I have no doubt there will be more.

Here's to you 2018, I see goodness in you already.